May 25, 2018

vent off

this is the first time on the internet i'm fully venting off. i wouldn't normally do this but i'm afraid that if i keep too much to myself i'm going to do something to myself i'm going to regret. i don't give a shit if 2 people read this, i just want this to be out there. it's an extremely cliche scenario but i don't give a fuck, maybe it will help me. there are enough people on the internet spilling out their problems and pretending that others give a shit, i'm gonna join the pile.


about two years ago i willingly chose to study mechanical engineering in what is supposed to be "the best engineering college in poland". uh yeah i'm polish if someone didn't know yet - anyhow - that was quite easily the worst decision of my life. i have no idea what the fuck was going through my mind - me, the absolute fucking retard when it comes to handling machinery, let alone understanding what basic components of said machinery are and how they work. i was apparently thinking - yes, let's major in that one thing i absolutely suck cock at and possibly even hate, as i never had any good memories with classes like physics in the past. it took only one semester to realize it wasn't a very thought out idea, so for some fucking idiotic reason i passed it somehow(probably luck) and continued on to the second one, only to realize it's getting worse and worse. you'd think - maybe it's time to throw in the towel and try something else? well apparently not. my life recently is revolving around lies. not lies that affect other people - in fact i hate being untruthful and try to be honest and straight with people - but lies that affect myself. even tho the signs were clear - even tho i already failed one of the classes and had to pay a decent sum to continue studying - i fucking did that. i prolonged my own torture willingly. third semester passed, more money was spent and it hit me - i really, really hate what i'm studying. it also doesn't help that everyone is treated like a pest in there and for the most part getting from one semester to the next one is a fucking lottery. somehow, the thought of "i can't live from anything else" still continued to persist in my head. i lied to myself - i thought, hey, maybe i'll finally like this place - knowing full well in the back of my head that i did this only to secure my future a tiny bit more. fourth semester is where i'm currently at and i'm one month away from finals. things are not looking good. my luck is running out and the realization that i can't live with my lies is reaching it's peak. i absolutely fucking hate mechanical engineering. i need to escape it - very probably fail it and never look back. it's fucking pathetic - it took me 2 years of lying to myself to finally admit that. i should have had cut this short but instead i chose to pile up all the feelings about it to the point where i just wasn't able to hold it all in.


that's another thing i have to say - i'm a little weeping bitch. i act "cool" and "collected" and talk "straight" and "to the point" with people but it's all just a facade - i'm a fucking failure that can't collect his own life. i'm trying to manage a project involving multiple people yet i can't even fucking manage myself. if it honestly wasn't for the amount of people that listen to my music i might have not been here. that still remains as one of very few things i'm confident in. the stress associated with this situation doesn't seem to affect my music - i turn every worry off whenever i get a chance to work on it - however these said chances are getting more slim. every time i go back to my shitty ass dirty room in the old apartment , i think of all the stuff i have to do for college that i fucking hate doing, then think maybe i should work on something i like working on but then again i'm reminded i don't have time for that and i should focus on my college work aaaand it's a fucking cycle - i sit there doing fucking nothing till i finally either start working on said thing because it's really urgent or i become a fat counterproductive slob wasting time on the internet. it's a vicious cycle and one that if not taken care of, could lead to me really snapping one day. however, there is a glimmer of hope. that's you guys - any of you who decided to throw some money at a random on the internet that makes subpar music. i can't thank you enough for that , you give me hope that something might change. i'm just gonna be straight here - the average monthly pay in poland is around 2400PLN which in USD is $650. this goal - just from a steady flow of commissions - is absolutely impossible. it's inevitable that i have to continue some kind of education and get a degree but in a field that actually doesn't make me want to hurt myself. i was considering maybe film editing like two other good friends of mine from back in the day - i do have some kind of knack for it, if all these YTPMVs over the years are anything to go by.

in the end, i have only myself to blame for the choices i've made in my life. i lied to myself and it led to tragedy. i'm goalless in life and i have very few positive traits, which are not even known to bring profits big enough to sustain someone's life. it's a very grim situation with just a few sparks of hope. writing all of this maybe helped. i already feel kinda better... and i guess i can look back to this blog post in the future and either think that the worst times were behind me, or that these were actually the best times of my life...

Apr 23, 2018

Commissions are open again, new release: Mega Man Battle Network 6 FM ARRANGEMENT PROJECT and Melolignia2 info.

Second batch of commissions is here! This time, by commissioning me you will directly support an collaborative album in works - Melolignia2! Check out the 'commission' page.

Also, new release! 36 tracks from the Mega Man Battle Network 6 soundtrack, arranged in style of FM Synth. Includes JP exclusive track "The Count". Check out the 'releases' page.

All the releases have also been updated to include their release date.

Mar 28, 2018

Summary of first commission batch, next commission batch info, Melolignia2 statement

       Hey guys, I am gonna spill all the feelings I've been going through recently, but before going any further with this post I just wanna say I love you all guys. Here's why:

       The first commission batch went absolutely great. I wasn't expecting this at all - the feeling of crossing off all 20 commissions slots in less than a year was outlandish but it actually happened IN A MONTH. The """popularity""" of yours truly made me think this would be a nice way to earn some money on the side once in a month but it seems like I completely underestimated the demand that my commissions were in. I worked my ass off the same week I started these commissions in December 2017, then slowed down because college happened. This gave me a taste of something that would truly make me happy in my life - what it would feel like to make music as a full-time job. Working daily on all sorts of songs with full inspiration was magical. I'll remember that Christmas Eve forever - eating with my family while my phone goes mental, vibrating all the time because of e-mails or twitter DMs. Still - it was a lot of work and while still enjoyable - definitely exhausting. The amount of things to do at once piled up and I was already thinking that if this was going to keep up, the prices would have to go up. Speaking of which - the prices themselves were supposed to be lower. For the first commission batch the regular chiptune commission was 20/25 bucks, depending on if the song was an arrange or original work. This happened due to a conversation with a good friend of mine - where I basically got scolded for pricing myself at 15$ at first. They expected me to charge 70$ for one minute. I thought that's absolutely ridiculous, until they showed me an example that people indeed charge even more for one minute. In fact, I've confirmed it myself with other musicians. Everyone I knew told me my prices were ridiculous. That was their reaction to the price I went with in the end, not 15 dollars. I'd imagine they would be even more confused.
       I don't feel like giving a history lesson about Poland, my current place of inhabitance, but in short - something like 25$ here is a bigger deal. Today, 25 USD is 85,41 Polish Zloty, so around 3,4 times more. You might think - "well, you guys must make 3,4 times more money as well". Actually, no. Our 25 Polish Zloty feels a lot like what 25 USD does for you guys in the west. Imagine if a new 60 dollar video game felt like actually buying it for 200 dollars. This is basically how that feels for us.
So you might be seeing how a possibly cheap price of 25$ for a 1:30 song is a bigger deal for me.
       Another reason was that I was just starting out and placing a higher price would be a bad move. While a compelling argument at the time, it is now absolutely ruined, seeing how I was overwhelmed with commissions to make.
       That way of thinking ultimately brings me to a problem my friends have brought up as well - pricing my stuff low makes it look like my music is bad. I brushed it aside, thinking that if they just listen to my commission reel after seeing the price, they will change their mind. I should have realized however how I ultimately end up looking like - pricing the music low like I'm not confident in it or not realizing the worth of it. In an e-mail conversation I was having with a certain musician, I asked them about their rates out of curiosity. I expected them to be kinda big - and yeah - they really were. But there's one thing they said that stuck with me - they were confident in their work being top quality. That stuff right there reminded me that I actually make good music. I'm not just sucking myself off - I always improve because that's what part of being a musician(artist) is - point is, my work is worth more than I think it is and in order to keep pursuing my goal and improving, I need to keep thinking like that. The worst thing to do is undervalue what you do and tell yourself you suck at it. THAT'S WHY I AM NOW PRICING MY COMMISSIONS AT 1000 DOLLARS BASE

ok im kidding

      Even with that in mind, it's still hard to tell what kind of price should I put on my work for the next commission batch. I know it needs be higher, but just how much? How much has my self-worth increased after seeing the extreme demand and all the support and evidence that it's needed? Enough to raise the price to 100$ per minute? ... No. I'm still not ready for that yet.
      I was considering upping the price to about 40$ per 1:30 original track. That's 15 dollars more than before. All the points I made before are again coming back to me - 40$ is actually a bit more personally to me than to people in the west and that it's only the second time I'm opening commissions so it's still sort of a "test". The difference this time is that I know both of these points have a high chance of becoming moot as they've been proven wrong already. The question is - will it happen again with a higher price? The ultimate answer to that question lies in the future and is up to you. I hope I can be proven wrong again and again until I finally reach the price point which actually represents the true value of my work. Heck, it can end at 25$ if this second commission batch fails completely. And I'll be absolutely fine with it.

     Now, that said, I'll be improving the website a bit to make it easier to commission me. I noticed I asked a lot of the same questions that I wished answers to were specified from the start. This can be easily automated, so I'm gonna make a "form" - or rather - a bunch of questions that come one after another to answer. For example, the first question is: "What song are you looking for?". The answers are: "an arrange", "an original song" or "a transcription". Next one would be about the length of the track and so on. Then, after answering all the questions, you get an e-mail message that's ready to be sent my way from your own so I can reply to you quick. I haven't started work on it yet, I will soon. Of course, the option to "manually" commission me is still gonna be there - the preferred option is gonna be the form though.

    So, this is where I stand right now. I still have some stuff to do from the first batch of commissions - mostly soundtracks which were also really surprising - it seems like I'll be making like 3 or 4 of them - one is already finished but I'm holding on to it because whoever paid for it all already has been gone for months. (Please don't do that)

   About Melolignia2 - I don't currently have much to say about it other than being sorry that I've been so quiet about it. Work on it was at snail pace lately - this will change soon - I'll dump all sorts of info about it when the second commission batch happens, because what the album will end up becoming relies entirely on that.

If you've read all this, thank you. You didn't have to.

- +TEK